The Unstuck Project

I’ve been asking myself something lately: what’s the real purpose of writing this blog? Why am I paying a monthly subscription, building a website (which is awesome in its own right, Becks!), and creating a hobby that feels so alien to me? What’s the point? What’s the purpose?

Well………. one of them is to impress my 90‑year‑old self and be in awe of the amazing, wholesome, fun life she lived. I picture her sitting in her cute little garden with her old biddy mates, eating cake because calories don’t matter anymore, laughing about life and how ridiculous the world is now compared to when they were young. Her husband is inside watching football, because she did go on those dating apps, stuck with it and didn’t hit the ‘fuck it’ button!  She’s lived a big, fun life, one she’s genuinely proud of.

Years ago, she learned to love hard and forgive quickly. She let go of what didn’t serve her, just dropped them and walked off with ease and grace, for the things she couldn’t control but also didn’t want to drop, she just learnt not to let the negativity in. She tried the scary things and broke through her own armour, a thick shield she built around herself without even knowing. She led with chest and stood on business. She won big, failed loudly, learned constantly. She stopped letting fear, self‑doubt and anxiety hold her back.

She found the fun in everything and finally ticked things off the bucket list, proud of every achievement, quick wins and mistakes. She remembers (and jokes) about the 46‑year‑old “spinster” who wasn’t a spinster at all, just a bit lost, stuck, lonely, bored and confused. But she also knows that was the turning point. The beginning of a wonderful journey. The moment she stopped daydreaming about what could be and started… well, just started. Bit by bit, moment by moment.

She’s thankful she tried the different, the difficult, the scary. She put it all out there, took the leap, failed sometimes, but never let that dampen her spirit but laughed and proud she tried. She was learning to live her life on purpose, not by accident.

I also want to bring my 9‑year‑old self into the mix. When I was 9, I lived in the moment. I didn’t worry about tomorrow or stress over irrelevant, unimportant stuff. If I didn’t like something, I just stopped doing it. If I got a new toy, I played with it. If I liked it, I played with it again the next day. If not, I didn’t. Simple.

Now, obviously I can’t do that with things like my job, tidying the house, ironing etc. BUT what I can do is stop doing, or stop putting up with things I don’t want to: people, jobs, surroundings, situations, boyfriends, fears, self-doubt.

At 9, I was me: pure, unique, loved adventures, dreamed, creative, I was bold, outgoing, cheeky, funny, curious, fearless and happy. One thing you do when you’re 9 is live in the moment, you don’t worry if you cant do something you just do it and see what happens. You don’t worry about tomorrow, next week, next month, next year. As adults, we have to think about those things, but what I’ve noticed is I plan too much for the future and achieve none of it. I don’t enjoy the moment, the week, or have things to look forward to in the month or year ahead.

There are so many countries and things I want to see and do. I always think, “Yeah, I’ll do that one day,” and then boom, I’m 46 and haven’t put any of it in motion.

So I’ve stopped with “one day I’ll…” and started planning. A few weeks ago I tried paddle boarding (yes, of course I now want to buy a paddle board, and no, I didn’t fall in). I’ve just come back from a day trip I’ve wanted to do for years, and tomorrow I’m catching up with a mate and we’re booking in another two things on the list. I’ve also booked a couple of days off work for more adventures.

There are plans in motion for an exciting holiday with two mates I call “The Lifers”, another cheeky get away in spring, and, I’m quite sure my SW1 (O.K.A Swanky Wanker) friend has just added Madrid to my list. I’ll take it!!!

I’ve spent years wanting to do stuff, see things, try things, visit places, and not doing them. A double‑edged sword: I don’t have a man or kids, so my money is my own (well, it’s not, we get taxed on fucking everything and the cost of living is ridiculous, but we’re not here to talk politics).

So I’ve decided I’m not doing it anymore. I’m not sitting indoors letting life pass me by, thinking I’ll do it one day.

To get out of my comfort zone, I’m planning on doing a few things by myself. Scary? Yes. Worth it? Absolutely.

One thing to become unstuck is to get comfortable being uncomfortable. If something is scary and makes me nervous, the only way to get over it is to build evidence that I can do it, that I did try.

Because this is what life is all about: trying things, pushing self-boundaries, making memories, having fun, living in the moment, getting excited about things coming up, and not thinking “I’ll do it one day.”

So here I sit in the present moment, on a summer’s afternoon, sunnies on and laptop out, remembering the fun life brought when I was 9, while visualising and channelling my 90‑year‑old self, sitting in a different garden (the one I bought with my husband, who’s just popped out because it’s half‑time and he wants some cake!), sitting next to my wrinkly friends, drinking Gin and Dubonnet at 1pm on a Tuesday, feeling full to the brim on life and love, laughing at the memories, having a good ol’ gossip and still making plans.

There’s also a paddle board sitting in the garage that I won’t get rid of because of the memories it brings every time I look at it.